Archive for January, 2012

Republican Brawl

January 27th, 2012

Deal SpiceAnyone watching the Republican Debate last night was privy to one of the most emotional, embittered, and negative debates in our nation’s history. It was pretty great. Unfortunately Newt Gingrich, official Deal Spice endorsed candidate (along with Ron Paul), took something of a bruising. His doughy body may still be jiggling from the punishing blows.

Anyone following the news knows his loss is a result of a conspiracy by socialists, the right wing establishment, the liberal media, the real people behind 9/11, and the illuminati against Newt. They fear the change he represents. I want to set the record straight, Newt may have some negative things in his past (a slew of ethics investigations, cheating on his wife constantly, having everyone he has ever worked with publically criticize him) but he is a changed man. Attacks pointing to his record or quoting him are simply unfair.

Now some people have said that Newt Gingrich is too crazy, evil, unstable and mean to be president. Those things have not stopped some of history’s great leaders like Stalin and Pol Pot. Other have said Newt is unelectable. Great leaders don’t get elected; they seize power, which is exactly what Newt wants to do. Who are we to stand in his way?

Share

No comments »

Posted in Politics

Tags:

Deal Spice Political Report: Mitt Romney – Threat to the American Way

January 20th, 2012

deal spaceMitt Romney, the French speaking Massachusetts moderate, looks poised to capture the South Carolina primaries and sail to the Republican nomination. This is the biggest threat to America since Sharia Law. France goes against everything the Unites States of America stands for. It is the little known fourth member in Bush’s axis of evil.

Mitt Romney is a liberal masquerading as a conservative. Until I see a birth certificate proving that he was born here and not France, I am deeming him eligible for the US presidency. His liberal policies would raise taxes on billionaires, educate poor children, and illegalize straight marriage. Newt Gingrich would imprison the poor, drive all immigrants (legal and illegal) into the sea, and finally outlaw the barbaric practice of having hospitals treat sick people without insurance. You have to pay to play in this nation’s healthcare system!

Young people should be mobilizing for swingin’ speaker Newt Gingrich. He was in an open marriage (without his wife even knowing!). It doesn’t get more progressive than that. Former aides describe all night sexual romps with college republicans and fund raisers with more body shots then an Arizona State student’s 21st birthday part. Gingrich understands young people (his wife is 23 years younger than him).

Share

No comments »

Posted in Uncategorized

Deal Spice Politcal Report: 2012- Politics, Apocalypse, and Copying Machines

January 12th, 2012
deal spice

Ron Paul: Charlatan, Hustler or Last Great American Hope?

For all us conspiracy theorists, doom prophesiers, political extremists, and Ron Paul supporters 2012 is an exciting year. We have the Mayan apocalyptic prediction to play with as well as the republican primaries and presidential election.

Now if we are going to spread the word about all the important stuff going on this year (as well as all the secret stuff the media is too scared to reporter on) we are going to need color copies. My apocalyptic bunker has a full office with a 2 xerox copy machines, the amount of political information I disseminate I am not about to pay Staples copying prices. Regardless, yelling at people from our cars, at malls, or in front of town hall just doesn’t have the same impact without some salacious political pamphlets. These can easily be printed at home away from Uncle Sam’s watchful gaze.

I love America, that is why I am endeavoring to save it with cryptic and divisive conspiracy politics. Now many of the people in my political junta think the world will end come 12/12/12. I believe this to be true but I am hedging my bets by participating in the political process. Besides what else are you going to do? Twiddle your thumbs till the four horsemen show up? You need political extremism to pass the time.

Share

No comments »

Posted in The penny pinchers lifestyle

Deal Spice Political Report: The Welfare State

January 11th, 2012

deal spiceThere has been a lot of talk lately in the Republican primaries about welfare freeloaders (injured veterans, orphans, the elderly, etc.). I for one could not agree more with Newt Ginrich’s recent statement “Black people, stop maxin’ and relaxin’ on welfare”. Go tell it on the mountain, Newt! All these freeloaders eating their government issued Chilean sea bass in truffle oil and duckling a l’orange.

I don’t know how many times I have seen Obama issued Bentleys on my block driving to the welfare office to get their government money. Obama has been behind some of the most heinous political misdeeds of the decade like expanding health insurance and nutrition programs for kids. I am fully supporting Newt Gingrich in changing the term orphan to American prosperity organ bank. I also agree with his decision to loosen child labor laws so that parents can sell their children to coal mining companies. Get to work you lazy bums!

Newt Gingrich is the only candidate who understands that the less fortune where put on this earth not to receive our compassion but to be a source of labor, ridicule, and should we need it, food. The Deal Spice political team is fully supporting Gingrich in 2012.

Share

No comments »

Posted in Scams and Schemes, The penny pinchers lifestyle